There are few things in my life that have been "an honor." Yes, I've been recognized in school or for a few things I've done as an adult. But to truly be given an honor is another thing all together. However, the last six months have been the biggest honor I can ever imagine, culminating with three weeks of love, laughter, and ultimately, joyous pain. I was able to help my Mom finish her "walk Home."
Four years ago, mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. God was good and the tumor was found when it was very small and with a huge surgical procedure, the tumor was removed. Then we waited. About two weeks later we got the call that of all of the lymph nodes that were removed with the tumor, one had cancer cells in it. Thus we knew that the cancer would return, someday. Mom lived a relatively problem-free life for a woman in her early 80's. She was very arthritic which caused her a lot of pain, but overall, she was pretty healthy. She had checkups with her surgeon every six months and those visits continued to be cancer free. Until December 2017. Her pre-office visit CT scan showed that there were two tumors in her liver. (We knew that the liver was the most likely place for that diseased lymph node to send it's cancerous cells.) She was beginning the final stretch of her walk "Home."
We started 2018 with Mom still feeling okay, but she was beginning to lose weight. Weight loss was the #1 thing we had been told to watch for as it would indicate that the cancer was going to win the battle. One pound down, three pounds, five or six in a month. But the numbers on the scale started winning the downhill race, and the more she lost, the worse she felt. Her strength was being sapped, and the errant cells were obviously spreading. I did my best to get her to eat, until it became obvious that she just couldn't get much down. What she did eat I tried to make high calorie, but even that became redundant. Cancer was winning, she was getting farther down that path towards "Home."
We had lots of talks during the eleven months that Mom was declining. Talks about what she wanted in regards to her funeral, talks about legal things I needed to check on, and lots of talks about what I was going to do. She was so concerned about me being thrust into "aloneness." Would I shut myself in and become a crazy old lady with a cat and a taser? Or would I be able to get back in the saddle and keep myself busy with ministry and friends and family? She was so concerned, and I kept assuring her I would be OK. I just wanted to walk along side her as she headed "Home."
In September, my sister-in-law and niece began coming to stay for a day or two each week to help and to give me a little emotional break. You see, two years ago, my brother and only sibling died from pancreatic cancer. Since we had long ago dropped the "in-law" from Sue's family designation, she was simply my sister and Mom's daughter. As such, she felt the need to be here to help me as we walked Mom "Home."
Just as Fall was erasing all vestiges of summer, Mom was also losing the precious glimmer of her earthly life. Hospice brought in a hospital bed so that she could be in the middle of our daily living. But as the days went on, she lost interest and so we just sat with her and tried to tell her how much we loved her. We cared for her physical needs, we made sure she was as comfortable as possible, and we prayed that God would take her "Home."
On the morning of November 2, it was obvious that the end was near. She was at peace and there was no evidence that there was anything else she needed from us but to hold her hand and wait with her. My cousin came for lunch, none of knowing that she was to be there to share in those last treasured moments. At about 12:30pm, Mom's breathing became quite labored, so I called hospice and they sent a nurse to assess her. Terri arrived, did her assessment and told us that she was very near death. The four of us held hands with Mom and prayed, and as the amen was said, she quietly slipped from earth into the glory of Heaven. She was finally "Home."
You may wonder about my use of the word "Home." In October of 1975, Mom made a decision to accept the free gift of eternal life by placing her trust in Jesus Christ. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." She placed her soul in the hands of the only One who could save her from a life that would end in eternal Hell. And her one desire from that day was that everyone would make that same decision.
And so, on November 2, 2018, at 1:07pm, she finished her walk Home and joined her Savior in the eternity of Heaven. She left her cancer-ridden body and took her next breath in the sweet air of God's presence. I miss her terribly, but because I too have placed my trust in Christ, I know that when my days here are done, I will join her in our eternal home. I will never forget those last days, and will always be glad that I was chosen before the world began to be there with my mom and have the honor of "walking her Home."
