Oh, have mercy, I have a headache. I would have considered that I was suffering from some dreaded disease if I wasn't wise enough to know that the actual cause is somewhat deadlier than that. Deadlier because I could end up on death row if I finally lose it and go postal on those who are inflicting the cephalgic botheration that is my misfortune.
Let me explain by first making a confession. I watch a fair amount of television. Not the Jerry Springer or WWE variety of mindless TV. I'm a much more refined viewer. I love me some Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Or Chip and Joanna. Or a lively episode of Chopped. I make this public admission freely and with very little guilt, not asking for your approval or criticism. I am just giving a point of reference for my calamitous condition. Because my malady is not caused by a particular program, rerun or competition. It is a direct result of ISIIC.
What is this "ISIIC" and do I have it, you ask. ISIIC stands for "Incredibly Stupid or Insulting to the Intelligence Commercials." These are advertisements that are trying to entice you into buying their product all the while treating you like you have no functioning brain cells, or more importantly, taste. Ads that allow you to purchase a car with the assistance of two idiotic women who seemingly don't have the intelligence to be driving anything more powerful than a Big Wheel. Or toilet paper commercials that feature either bears who are civilized enough to use TP or a terribly obnoxious British woman who does man-on-the-street interviews to make sure you know you could feel "cleaner" with her brand of ridged tissue. (And while we're in the loo, there is now an even more wretched one for a spray that will make your deposits smell better. Ewwwww!)
There are commercials from lawyers who will sue anyone who has ever looked at you crosswise; lawyers who will get your out of debt, even if you got there by your own stupidity; and probably lawyers who will sue the lawyer who didn't get you "all you deserve." There are constant pleas from those who want to make sure you use the correct shampoo, best deodorant, and the shiniest, whitening toothpaste.
Whatever happened to Speedy Alka Seltzer? That little guy just wanted to alleviate our gas and indigestion. ("Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!") Where did Smokey the Bear go after he warned us that "only we could prevent forest fires"? These were important things to know. These were things that made sense in the scheme of our day to day lives. Clara asked "Where's the beef?" in an effort to help us pick the right burger joint. I grew up knowing that if my mom loved me, my baloney would have a first name, it was O-S-C-A-R. Mean Joe Green validated my love of Coke, and even Budweiser had a hand in our education, helping us love those gigantic Clydesdale horses. There were so many others, so many companies that made a place in our hearts, minds and memories, all without the need to insult or embarrass us.
Life is hard enough, people. Let's get back to some basic civility. We are assaulted by a constant barrage of misgivings by those who are offended by our beliefs, our values and/or our life choices. Can't we at least make a decision about the chips we eat without feeling like we need a mental bath after the company pitches their wares?
Now, where is that Tylenol? My head is splitting.
No comments:
Post a Comment